


It

by orphan_account



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Condoms, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:09:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4416971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing screams “YES, WASH WILL CLEARLY FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT,” more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god this came out of nowhere
> 
> just pretend church has a body
> 
> and lives in a place with condoms
> 
> and yet sarge still somehow said that line in front of him
> 
> whatever
> 
> i also don't know how to rate this, i'm sorry
> 
> also this is for [scrimmage](http://scrimmage.dreamwidth.org/374.html) @ DW, a cute little writing challenge

_“Don’t you worry your pretty little yellow striped head, Wash.”_

Sarge’s quote is in the forefront of Epsilon’s mind as he attempts to be discreet while standing in front of the condom section. It’s a tough battle, but he’s pretty sure the cashier believes he’s just really into toothpaste—he’s been there for a good five minutes, meticulously picking out what he needs. There was a scary amount of floral patterned (and _scented_ , like anything could help mask the smell of dick) condoms, all ranging from Dark Chocolate Rose (so Twilight that it makes him want to hurl) to Peach Princess Pop ( _What!_ ) and none of it is what he wants.

_If it’s going to go up my ass, it better be fanfuckingtastic_ , he thinks,  wrinkling his nose at Daisy Serenade. _Donut could do a better job naming this shit_.

He’s about to give up and grab something plain and boring when he sees it. No, not it…. **_It_**. Bold and italic, capitalised like a fucking noun **_It_**.

The golden compass of dick protection, Epsilon wants to give the designer of Highway to Hell a kiss. Asphalt grey with a solid yellow line running from the base to the tip. Nothing screams “YES, WASH WILL CLEARLY FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT,” more. It was sitting there, alone and yet proud; a complete work of art, this tiny box of road coloured condoms. How magnificent.

“Move over, Dark Chocolate Rose, it’s Highway to Hell’s turn,” if he sounds dramatic, it’s completely on purpose. “Pretty little yellow striped head is one way to put it.”


End file.
